The Art of Releasing What no longer serves you

Hello Beautiful Self!

It is time we dive into another part of mindful living … the art of releasing. I call it an art, because it really is an art. Releasing or letting go is hard for everyone. You are not alone in that. However, we all need to let go of things that no longer serve us. Once we have become aligned with our mindful observations and are aware of what is either no longer serving us, what we have outgrown, or what is flat our holding us back we need to release it. Let it go … say Bye Bye and thanks for all the fish! I have no idea why that Douglas Adams line just popped into my mind, but there you go …. humor for a difficult topic. Release. Let go. Let be.

Sometimes, all we have to do to let go is just let something be. Let it take a natural course away from you. There are relationships and situations in our life where we are the driving force. When that relationship or situation is a cause of negativity, stress, toxic patterns and behaviors or whatever about it is no longer in alignment with your greater good and you are the driving force in keeping that relationship going simply stop feeding it. Stop giving it all the time and energy you have been and let the natural course take place. In many situations it will just fade away from you when you allow yourself to put your energy elsewhere.

Other relationships require more active roles to disengage and release. Relationships where lives are physically, financially, or purposefully combined on a day to day basis are the most difficult to release. The stigma of changing life, career, home, and community can be huge. I have personally experienced both the healing and wounding of leaving a long-term relationship, career, and home that was the “American Dream” on the outside, but in my reality my waking nightmare.

Side note; I was able to post-vaccine connect with longtime friends and heart family this weekend. Through our overview catching up I learned that after 7 years divorced my ex-husband is still bad mouthing me for leaving him. Once, this would have made me withdraw, now I no longer care what he thinks or what mud he slings for he is stuck in the mud and I have blossomed like the water lily rising out of the mud. My life is more aligned with myself and my greater good. I have a happiness I never thought I would have, because I aligned with my mindfulness and did the scary thing. I released what was not only not serving me, but what was suffocating me.

Which brings me to the next point on releasing. Releasing isn’t just about letting go, but aligning with your personal power. Things don’t feel right to us or work in our life when you live out of alignment with who you are. When you do not know yourself or live to please others through expectation, societal demands, yearning for love or whatever your reason is for not living in self alignment or Know Thyself, then you either give away your power or simply ignore the fact that you have power.

Were you aware that you had personal power? You have choices, you have free will, you have hopes, dreams and the ability to be in alignment with yourself. You can serve your needs and be of service to the greater good. This is not mutually exclusive. But first, you have to get really clear on what is and is not working for you. Sometimes it will feel like nothing in your life is working and that is okay. We don’t have to climb to the top of the mountain today. What we do have to do is put one foot forward and be aware that things aren’t serving us.

So where do you start? pick something small. For example, I have an ongoing struggle with soda or pop, whatever you call it. I do great for a long time, then start drinking it again which leads to over drinking it. Going cold turkey doesn’t work for me, so I need to ween myself off it. There is a lovely lavender and honey tea that I like, so I make sure to have that in the house. After my first pop, the next time I get that sugary craving I make the cup of tea and have that instead. By doing this, I am currently down to 1 soda a day from 3. I would love to cut it out all together and I will get there. Small steps. Each step forward build the confidence and momentum to move forward.

Where will you start today? What is your plan if you stumble or struggle in releasing? How can you give yourself creative, loving support that is in alignment with your goals? Drop a comment and let me know.

In Loving Kindness,
Irisa

Creating a Tribe: Finding the people who support us

Creating a tribe, a community of people that we can count on is fundamental to our human nature. We all seek to belong. The labels we give ourselves based on interests, personalities and societal standards is a way for us to belong either as conformists or non-conformists, those included or excluded from the social situations they find themselves in.

Many of us feel as though we have several masks: work, school, family, chosen family, friends, children, etc. Where in this is truly what we seek? When we are in touch with our dreams, desires and interests then we can honestly begin to seek out those who harmony matches ours. Our tribe doesn’t need to have all the same interests, never disagree, or even see each other daily.

What a tribe does need to do is be supportive. Whether that support comes in the form of a hug and listening ear, a kick in the ass to get going in the direction we need and desire, or helping you catch up on laundry it doesn’t matter as long as it is healthy, mutual support that leaves you a better person at the end of the day.

As a child I always searched for friendships and life situations that felt right. When things did not feel right or no longer suited I wasn’t afraid to make a change. This earned me the childhood nickname of ‘queen of change’. I also had a second nickname of ‘mama ‘Ris or Camp Counselor’ from an early age because I always listened to those I cared about and done my best to support them.

Over the years I have been blessed to know some remarkable people. These individuals have taught me alot. Some of the most profound statements I have ever learned are: How can I support you? and You get to feel what you feel, it is how you act and react on those feelings that counts.

How can I support you? is an extraordinary statement. It makes no supposition of what an individual wants or needs; no promises or solutions. This statement merely gives an individual the opportunity to be honest about where these are in a current situation and what they may need from those who car for them.

You get to feel what you feel, it is how you act and react on those feelings that counts. Human beings are instinctual creatures. We cannot control how a situation is going to make us feel; however, we can control how we respond to that emotion. Understanding what emotion we are having is important as to why we may be feeling that way. Emotions tell us we need to examine a situation and address something that isn’t working. Whether it is something in ourselves we need to address or with another individual or life situation emotions tell us what is and is not working in our life.

I have found these statements beneficial to tribe building because each tribe starts with a friendship. Be the friend you want to have. Treat your family the way you want to be treated. Respect personal boundaries but make sure yours are respected as well. Respect is not a one way street.

Tribes do not need to be huge. Mine began with two friendships and has grown as each of us has grown and loved others. How did I cultivate a tribe? Be willing to be vulnerable, but not a doormat. Be honest, but kind. Don’t do all the work as relationships take work from all the individuals involved.

Follow your interests, hobbies, passions and it will take you to people who enjoy those things too. Strike up conversations with people at these activities. Often that is as simple as complimenting something an individual is wearing or listening to a conversation and finding a commonality to comment on. Don’t force it, let it flow. This may not happen overnight or in a day or a week. My tribe took years to form and many starts along the way.

My tribe grew and changes as I grew and changed as a person. The people I met when I first moved to Ohio are not the main source of my support these days. In fact, most of those friendships have drifted off or are now to acquaintance level as our lives took us different directions. There is nothing wrong with the evolution of relationships. Letting a relationship evolve naturally is healthy. No one needs to be forced to maintain relationships just for the sake of longevity. Individuals do not benefit from longevity, but quality.

Cultivate your tribe with love, kindness, respect and honesty. Be honest with yourself.

Love with an open heart.

Sassy Viking Mama