The Journey to Know Thyself

It has been some time since I posted but writing on the topic of Know Thyself has been a priority. I have been working on a book to Know Thyself through Nature and Nurture, using tools of meditation, mindfulness, and journalling. One of the biggest questions that has come up as I have shared what I am doing is why the topic of Know Thyself.

I believe that each of us have instances that disconnect us from ourselves. There are life events such as trauma, scenarios that lead to people pleasing, relationships, work situations, school situations, and simply life that constantly throws new scenarios, opportunities, input, and challenges towards us. Depending on what is happening we have the best of choices and time to reflect on how that fits with who we are or a variety of reaction and actions up to and including survival mode.

I don’t know anyone that was raised to take self care time to make sure they know who they are from a young age and take time to make sure they are acting, reacting, and making life choices that keep them connected with who they are. What I have both experienced and seen in others is following life opportunities as they arise. A prime example is a job that is either a necessity or appears to be the perfect job. Weeks or months later the shine has worn off and going to work tears the individual apart mentally and physically. I spent many mornings crying my entire way into and from a corporate job that I had. Other examples include: Visiting a family member has you physically dreading the experience or worse yet you numb out with drinking to deal with the experience. Hanging out with a friend that everyone else loves in your life, makes you feel miserable because you don’t want to do so.

All of these instances are feelings telling you that you aren’t living in accordance with your truth. That certain people and situations are not feeding your soul, but eating away at it. Know Thyself is self care, self knowledge and personal power. It is not a stagnate part of you, but one that is mutable and ever-evolving, as you are ever growing and changing your self knowledge and self awareness should. By making the self care to Know Thyself a part of your awareness and checking in with yourself and having the tools to Know Thyself a regular part of your self care routine I believe that each of us can create a life truly connected to who we are and what has meaning to us. This in turn leads us to a life filled with relationships and opportunities that feed us, in stead of eating away at our soul.

Knowing who we are and what we want or need makes creating personal boundaries, personal space, self care, and speaking what we need for ourselves in loving kindness (sometimes firmly) a lot easier and a lot less scary. I spent too many years trying to find a reason why I felt one way, but well-meaning family and friends told me I should be happy living XYZ way. I was miserable with the life I was living. People told me I was ungrateful because I had what everyone dreamed of. When I explained they weren’t my dreams, I was told I was selfish. No, I was being honest about my truth, but I wasn’t in a place to be seen and heard. However, I could have saved myself so much heartache if I had known that it was okay to not want what others want. It is okay to have different dreams. It is okay to want a different way of life.

We all need to Know Thyself and how to express that in loving kindness. Then we need to find ways to live in alignment with who we are and what we want. I believe that if people Know Themselves more and live out societal and familial expectations less, we would have a lot more happiness and loving kindness in the world. After all, it is difficult to live and share loving kindness when we are not happy with ourselves and our personal situation.

I hope you continue to join me in the journey to Know Thyself.

Life Lived Between Light & Dark

The years ebb and flow as the tides dance to the moon. Our personal phases cycle as does the moon. We have moments in our life that are so bright we forget we ever knew the darkness. Other phases are the darkest night. These are the phases that lay us bare; open and vulnerable in ways we are never comfortable experiencing. These are the moments where we have our greatest growth and potential laid before us. Opportunities to grow and heal. However, most of our life is lived between the light and darkness. The light and dark illuminating each other for our fullest growth.

I have had many roles throughout my life. There are periods of time that I feel more like a role than the individual behind that role. I feel as though to keep with the forward momentum that I must succumb to certain tasks and behaviors. Is this a bad thing, no. Am I tired of certain routines and duties, yes. After two years of dealing with illness and injury, the legal system, the school system, constant restructuring of a household I feel as if I have been caught in a tidal storm, constantly buffeted on rough waters.

Slowly the storm has been receding and I begin to evaluate what is life, what needs to change and where to proceed forward. This evaluation began before the Winter holiday season. As I came to conclusions I had deep conversations with my partner, myself and family. Together we have been revamping certain things in our life and communicating better on our needs.

The communication has led to several changes in our life. Homeschooling our oldest child has happened. She couldn’t be happier! The adjustment has been a challenge for all of us but we are moving along, learning and growing. A combination of online school quality, homeschool flexibility and local homeschool resources are beginning to blend together into a world that is fostering natural exploration and love of learning.

After a length of illness, surgery and recovery our family is coming into its new normal. Two individuals with chronic pain conditions that manage a home and family with three kids, dogs and assorted pets are learning how to support each other in this new normal. We haven’t given up hope of improving our conditions but we do know that we must live in this current reality while we explore alternatives to improving our health.

For myself, that means committing to the gym for a combination of weight training, flexibility training (I love yoga) and cardio health to stave off the progression of arthritis and fibromyalgia. Routines and training are so very difficult for me to establish let alone maintain with the ever evolving needs of three children under eight.

Plus, I am spending time working on taking some of my passions from hobbies to a freelance career. Adding me time in to focus on that is important to me but a challenge. Due to the age of my children and the schedule my partner has worked for most of their small years I have had to put my needs on the back burner to have enough spoons to be there for my kids. Now, I can begin to shift my focus from solely their needs to a more balanced approach between their needs and mine.

Putting myself first has never been easy for me. Neither has drawing boundaries. Now, I am in a place where I need to do so for a multitude of reasons. Fortunately, my children and partner give me strength; as do members of my tribe.

Everything in life has cycles and patterns. People are no different. Embrace who you are, go with or define your flow but no matter what KNOW THYSELF.

Sassy Viking Mama